If we win, we lose. When we lose, we lose and when we tie, we lose.
If there is a game we can never win, it would be the comparison game. As I’ve mentioned above, whatever the outcome is, there won’t be any satisfaction when we compare ourselves with others. Yet, why do we do it?
I find myself doing this most when it comes to my photography. After taking a few photographs around the city, there would be this one golden shot I’m most proud of. I get all excited during post-production and think, ‘ I cannot wait to share this with everyone’. The excitement builds and builds and builds up to the point where I’m ready to open Instagram. The first image that I see on my feed is a photograph so similar to the one I've taken of earlier in the day. I scream inside of my mind, ‘Whyyyyy!’ The guy’s photograph already had 1000+ likes, 100+ comments and the guy even did an Instagram story on the photograph. You know, for those who haven’t already seen it on his page. Anyways, I look at my photographs and instantly the excitement evaporates in a matter of seconds.
“Comparing kills fulfilment.” - Todd Stocker
Outside of photography, I know I’m not the only one who struggles with the comparison game. Down below are points I’ve felt playing the comparison game and hope we can learn something from each of them.
Comparing ourselves to others robs our fulfilment in whatever we do.
The person I was before the comparison was made is the same person afterwards too. What changed? My thoughts. I’ve once heard that thoughts are like waves. It sways from one direction to another and could very well impact our lives for better or worse. Don’t let our thoughts live in our minds, speak out (literally) against it and remind ourselves that true fulfilment will never be obtained when we size-up ourself + our work with others.
We don’t truely believe our work or who we are is valuable.
If we truely believe without a doubt that our value and the worth of our work doesn’t depend on others, we wouldn’t be playing the comparison game. Yet, many of us do in one way or another. When was the last time we’ve asked ourselves, ‘ Do I truely believe the work I produce is in fact valuable? ‘ If the answer is yes, then by all means you are on the right track. If our answer is no, then we need a mind shift because you are valuable, therefore the work you produce is valuable too. Period. Allow our resilience to develop in these stages of our creative journeys. Just like breaking and rebuilding muscles at the gym to become stronger, allow our resilience to develop in the same way.
I’m letting my future accomplishments down.
I’ve once heard that, ‘ Opportunity is being in the right place at the right time.’ Have you ever wondered how many opportunities we’ve lost because we allowed a comparison to rob us of our future accomplishments?
’Charlie, what do you mean by that?’ I’m so glad you asked. Think of the accomplishments you’ve made throughout the years, especially the ones you are most proud of. Imagine if you didn’t rise to the challenge because doubt was planted in your mind. All those emotions, hardship, time and pride would vanish in thin air and the very things you were most proud of became things that fit in the category, ‘ If only…’ When we participate in the comparison game for all the wrong reasons, we are literally robbing our future selves the accomplishments we deserve. Don’t let yourself and future-self down.
When the ‘Comparison Game’ works for our benefit.
So should we ever play the comparison game? Short answer is yes. These are my exceptions:
Comparing Ourselves with Ourselves
Whatever we do in life, it is usually fair to ask, ‘ Am I better at ______ today than I was last week? ‘ Questions like this helps us to identify our personal progress when it comes to reaching our goals. Whatever our answer is to that question, it would help us to identify what needs to be done and what needs to stop to allow us to reach our own personal goals.
In addition to this, we need to be kind to ourselves too. We often are our worst critic, however we need constant reminders that we have the ability right now to improve ourselves in whatever we want to accomplish. When we compare ourselves with ourselves, generally we will find ourselves in a better position in many ways.
Comparing Ourselves with Others
‘Wait, but didn’t you say not to do this?’ Yes. However the difference is that we are doing this not from a place of value but from a place of development. After acknowledging and believing our value, we can ask reflective questions like, ‘Is the work ethic of _____ going to help me grow in my personal leadership?', or ‘ How did that person photograph in that way? Are there elements in this photograph I can apply to my own personal craft?’ Do we see the difference? Our approach when we compare ourselves with others is essential to identify.